Friday, October 06, 2006

Friends? Not you. Family? Totally you.

The thing about being pregnant is that eeeeeeeeverybody has an opinion about everything, they are all correct, and you must agree or else be labeled. Labels don't bother me unless they are degrading AND wrong, but ya know, sometimes one out of two is enough. Like just wrong.

The correlary to this "thing" is the other thing, which is that everyone is so willing to share their opinions. And really, truly, honestly, when it's an opinion from a friend, I don't mind hearing it. Mostly because when a friend wants you to know something, they say, "Hey, did you know that *insert something to worry about here* is blah blah blah?" And I either say, yeah, I just read about that or no, that's interesting. I'll look into it. But relatives seem to go more for the, "You really should do *whatever they were told in 1965*." Uhh. Thanks. I think.

But if your goal is to drive me absolutely insane, try this because I am SICK of this conversation (my thoughts are in italics):

them: So, have you gotten the list of things you can't eat yet?
me: Yeah, I've done lots of reading and the doctor went over stuff at our appointment.
them: So what's on that list these days?
me: Well... no smoking or alcohol -
them: Eh, I had wine when I was pregnant. My kid turned out fine.
me: Okay, assuming they "turned out fine," that doesn't really prove anything. I'll decide for myself, thanks!
me: ........ and you have to be careful about fish -
them: They didn't have those rules when I was pregnant.
me: ........well, things change, there's more pollution in the water now................. and you have to only have coffee in moderation-
them: OH! You can't have coffee AT ALL! Coffee is terrible for a baby!
me: looking for the nearest bridge to jump from to end this conversation ...... and some packaged meats can have listeria
them: HUH? Like hot dogs?
me: Yes. Like hot dogs.
them: But that's not a big deal. I mean you can't really get sick from them.
me: Well the risk is small, but the baby has an 80% mortality rate if you get it. It's not worth a hot dog to me.
them: You're a little overly cautious, don't you think?

Hi! My research for my pregnancy choices trumps your blathering. I'm not shoving hot dogs down your throat. But I might. Now shut up!

This has been a public service announcement. Please, if you know a pregnant woman, assume that she has two brain cells to rub together.


QoE said...

I wish you could have talked to my relatives when I was pregnant. And my 'baby' is 24 years old. Things change, but they don't really!
Cathy in MN

Kim said...

I don't have kids yet, but I am dreading these conversations.

Start practicing your ninja moves now so you can avoid the tummy gropers later on.

SJ said...

I remember what it was like when I was prego (only with me it was mostly the fact that I was prego), and it continued well into Tommy's first year and beyond. Trust me. This is only the beginning. (I still groan at times.) I know, I know, that doesn't really help. I would just say that the best advise I can give is not to let it bother you. I have only known you for a couple of years and I would trust and expect you to make your own decisions. You are expecting a great little bundle of joy (cliche, I know), and that is so exciting. Enjoy the moment. :) I know I'm excited! I don't care what you do! (Ok, if you were a druggy I might be concerned. Are you a druggy? NOOOO!! So enjoy it!) Can we have a celebration party? I love babies. =)

ETownDZ said...

Yeah, I hear ya. Everyone has their two cents that the just HAVE to contribute. Seriously, just let me have my OWN pregnancy! You had your chance already!

I have to say, getting a puppy was practice. Every time took her for a walk, people would (a) start calling for her or petting her without so much as acknowledging me (good prep for the uninvited belly staring and touching) and (b) giving me totally unsolicited advice about the fact that she should be wearing a halter instead of a collar, shouldn't be outside of my yard before 16 weeks, etc. LET IT GO, PEOPLE! MY DOG, MY BUSINESS! Oh, this is going to be fun...

Stephieface said...

I think I would take advice about being pregnant from old people, over advice over my crying baby and why from old people.
Like Sam when he was a baby was having a crying fit. I checked his vitals (you know, butt or tummy) and he was fine. The little bogger just wanted to sleep and was crying because he was tired.
Oh the different ways the old people told me that I could use to lull him into slumber (one included whiskey!)

So, for me, the pregnant talks were fine- and if you get tired of the "back in my day" bits you can always say:
"Man I wish I was alive back then, to be able to act like I was living in a Frank Sinatra movie...was the world black and white back then or did it finally reach technicolor?"

Judy said...

You may as well get used to the unsolicited advice now, because just wait till the baby is here! Then the "telling you what to do" REALLY starts. On the good side, by that time you will be sleep deprived, so you will just stare at them and say "uh-huh" with a blank look. Practice doing that now...
And I never knew that about listeria! Yikes. SO not worth the risk to eat a hot dog. You'll be fine, just don't let them get to you.

Rhett said...

that is possibly the most hilarious thing i have read in days! go get 'em tiger! i mean, DANG leave you alone! no advice from me b/c i am not anywhere near your level of knowing in this situation, but please, when i tell you to give me advice, don't hold back b/c i need to know how to combat relatives with strange opinions and it seems you have a great head start on that one.... please... wine okay, coffee, never - why not have a bologna sandwich with your next glass of vino. good grief. :)